Sniffing out the UK's best animal stories
Britain's back gardens have become laboratories of desperation, as homeowners deploy baffles, springs and spinning poles against a rodent with all the time in the world. We spoke to the defenders, the designers and the defeated — and the verdict isn't looking good for Team Human.
Lorry drivers, service station workers and one very smug corvid researcher explain how the crows of the M6 seem to know about a jackknifed lorry near Spaghetti Junction before the radio does. We investigate Britain's most efficient — and most feathered — traffic intelligence service.
We asked Animail readers to report on the moorhens, coots and mallards loitering around their local canal-side cafés. The results reveal a feathered workforce with better seating strategies than most of us.
When the flocks thinned and the fields fell quiet, Britain's hardest-working dogs found themselves reassigned. We hear from handlers whose border collies have swapped sheep for security patrols, office wellness duties and the occasional very confused delivery van.
Spider season is upon us once more, and the nation's bathrooms have become an unlikely dancefloor. We rate Britain's house spiders like a panel of stern judges — leg span, sprint speed and that showstopping ceiling drop — and hear from arachnophobes who've signed uneasy peace treaties.
We asked Animail readers to name and shame the culprits emptying their bird feeders, and the confessions poured in from Land's End to Inverness. From acrobatic grey squirrels to gulls with the confidence of a bailiff, here's the definitive rogue's gallery of Britain's garden feed thieves.
From canal towpaths barely wide enough for one spaniel to coastal promenades with opinions, we sent our walkers out to rank Britain's narrowest pavements by canine diplomacy. The results involve tangled leads, performative sitting and one very smug whippet.
We sent our field correspondents (all of them dogs, none of them impartial) into bakeries, cafés and farm shops across Britain to judge the sacred institution of the behind-the-counter treat jar. Results were delicious, occasionally soggy, and hotly disputed.
Forget the ping-pong table and the posh coffee machine — the real test of a British workplace is how it treats its fish. We spent a month canvassing the nation's offices, call centres and one very committed accountancy firm to build the definitive league table of workplace aquatic care.
From conservation cows on Hampstead Heath to sheep staging daring roundabout breakouts, Britain's city livestock have become unlikely local celebrities. We speak to the herders behind the grazing schemes and crown the farm animal with the best engagement rate in the group chat.
Armed with a Freedom of Information request, a strong cup of tea and far too much patience, we trawled the nation's council noise complaint records to find Britain's genuinely loudest animal neighbourhoods. The results range from a cockerel in Coventry to a parrot with opinions in Peckham.
From Brighton's chip-snatching hooligans to the suspiciously well-mannered gulls of the Outer Hebrides, Britain's coastal birds have wildly different vibes. We've profiled them all — and built a personality test so you can find out which town's gull you truly are.
Forget Tinder — Britain's rescue centres are running the country's most high-stakes matchmaking operation, one wagging tail at a time. We speak to the rehoming officers who've turned dog-people pairing into a genuine science, and hear about the matches that nearly didn't make it past the first date.
Every toppled wheelie bin and 3am screech on your street is quietly feeding one of the UK's biggest citizen science projects. We dig through the wheelie-bin forensics, the trail cameras and the nation's foxiest garden sightings to find out who really runs our streets after dark.
Forget coffee ratings and petrol prices — we asked the nation's drivers to score motorway services on the things that actually matter: grass quality, water bowls, and whether the staff coo at your collie. The results are barking.
From Portsea labradors with waistlines to rival the ferry terminal to cats who consider a stair climb a triathlon, Britain's pets are packing on the grams. We gathered real anonymised tales from vets and owners to build the definitive — and slightly shaming — pet weight-loss league table.
From radiator-hogging tabbies to Labradors who've decided your bedtime is now their bedtime, we asked vets and behaviourists who's really getting a good night's kip. Plus: score your own pet's Sleep Entitlement Rating and find out if your duvet was ever truly yours.
Blue tits in the B&Q sign, starlings under the Kop and a family of wagtails running the show at a Sheffield car wash — Britain's urban birds have expensive taste in property. We meet the businesses sharing their premises with some very feathered tenants.
That cheerful little red-breast warbling from your bird table? He's actually mid-tantrum, screaming threats at every rival within three gardens. We dig into the surprisingly brutal world of robin territorial warfare — and why Britain loves the feathered fury anyway.
There was a time when a dog's only job was chasing sticks. Now British pets are signing sponsorship deals, hiring agents and out-earning their owners. We trace the strange history of the UK pet influencer economy — and do the maths on a sponsored cat post.